How to be a lot more likeable today. You know how you’ll sometimes meet someone and they just make you feel so DAMN good.
Why is it others make us feel bad? Sometimes the answer is obvious like we can pinpoint what it is about someone that we are drawn to and why we like having them around.
They may be funny, inspiring, smart, kind and they may have a way of making us feel safe, validated , confident, hopeful and calm so naturally we like them.
Others may make us feel awkward, stiff, annoyed and the conversation feels forced. And sometimes their actions or words may make us feel that way ,but it may also be the case that we can’t quite pinpoint the what it is.
Is it them? Is it me? Something is just off.
1. Don’t try to hard.
No one likes a try hard, someone whose effort level and emotional investment is excessively high for the level of play in which they are competing.
2. Don’t say “that’s so funny”.
Let’s just say if you found it funny you’d be laughing, this is one of the rudest ways to respond to a joke.
Smiling has been shown to be contagious and to have many health benefits for you and for those around you.
Research shows that children smile an average of 400 times per day, compared to the average happy adult who smiles 40-50 times per day and the typical adult who smiles only 20 times per day.
Why is smiling important? Smiling not only offers a mood boost but helps our bodies release cortisol and endorphins that provide numerous health benefits, including:
- Reduced blood pressure
- Increased endurance
- Reduced pain
- Reduced stress
- Strengthened immune system
There are courses, books and videos on polished and professional speaking skills, but what about listening skills? Why do so many people crave the company of a good listener and if you are one, notice how you learn a lot about people’s likes, dislikes, loves and worries?
Listening is an area we would all benefit from sharpening up. People tend to spend more time evaluating what the speaker is saying or figuring out their responses, than they do actually listening.
Ernest Hemingway tells us how to do it well – “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
Here are 5 benefits of being a great listener:
- Greater Clarity
- Increased Likability
- Better Relationships
5. Show genuine interest.
This just increases your likeablity!
6. Put your phone down.
It’s rude to have your phone up in your face while people are talking yet it seems to be the norm today.
7. Don’t interrupt people.
Talking over people can give off the perception that you don’t care about what they have to say, we don’t want to do that.
Here’s where you can introduce some ASMR. The sensation has many health benefits one of which is just relaxing and calming your nerves.
It’s so good that we have a whole blog on the many health benefits of the goodness, here.
9. Don’t be easily offended.
No one wants to feel like they’re constantly walking on glasses around you.
10. It’s okay not to be likeable.
When you just stop caring it appears that the world just starts liking you more. Sometimes we get start in the rat racing of trying to be liked and in doing so we can at times become less and less likeable.
11. Avoid constantly complaining.
The more you complain, the more likely you are to think negative thoughts later on. Neuroscientists commonly use the phrase “Synapses that fire wire together,” to explain this concept.
Every time you complain, your brain physically rewires itself to make it easier and more likely for that reaction — aka the type of thought — to occur again. Negative thinking ends up breeding more negative thinking.
No one wants to be around unpleasant people, but if you keep complaining, you might find your peers adapting these negative habits as well. Listening to someone complain makes you more likely to be negative as well, which can just perpetuate the desire to release all those unhappy thoughts.
As they say, birds of a feather tend to flock together, so if you want more positivity, look for people who keep their sour thoughts to themselves.
At the end of the day, sometimes it feels good to get your grievances off your chest, but if you’re going to express your negative sentiments, make sure you’re doing it in a productive way.
12. Never sacrifice yourself to be likeable by other people.
It can be easy if you’re liked for something for you to want to keep up that view.
So for example if you’re liked for not getting angry it can be easy to not be kind to yourself and not allow yourself to be angry to keep up the view. You shouldn’t do that, you shouldn’t hold yourself to what others like about you.
You should be ever changing and allow yourself to feel and just honestly be yourself!